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31 January 2010

The Tenth Post-mandment

"In Chinese culture, a baby's first month birthday calls for a celebration. Proud parents introduce their latest addition to friends and relatives by holding a red egg and ginger party"

This blog [NinjaCoffee] was initiated on the last day of last year, 2009. Frankly, I'm amazed that it survived past a month. This calls for a celebration!

Speaking of celebrations, have you noticed that we humans love to celebrate? Turn to every corner and I assure you that humans celebrate anything and everything under the sun. I mean, just take a look at the things that we celebrate:
- Independence day
- Birthday
- Valentine's Day
- Bubble wrap day (This is real! I kid you not.)
- Arthur's Day
- Ninja's Day (5th Dec. This is real too.)
- Coffee Day
We even have a celebration for a white fat guy breaking into houses stealing milk and cookies. If this trend stays true to its course, we may soon have blogger's day, FaceBook day, Youtube day, computer day, TV day, bloghopping day, blogwalking day, blogsurfing day, blogblog day, even blogblogblog day.

Wait wait... Before your imagination runs wild and decide to create a 'day' of your own, I want let you all know that this post is also the official tenth post coming from Ninja Coffee. This calls for a double celebration! Hence I shall declare today as a World Public Holiday. If anyone ask to why you didn't turn up for work, or school, just say ninjas declared today as a holiday. I assure you that no questions will be asked. No one messes with the ninja.

Oh oh....Before I close this post, I would like to shout out to those who have been supporting my blog all along. Notably the following people who consistently comment on my post:
- Dak Wan
- Karen
- PoisonKagero
- Kenwooi
- Wen Pink

Also, get this guy, Caloy as your frequent commenter. Caloy wrote an original comment in this post. He contributed two comments in this blog so far, but base on past performance, Caloy makes a great blog commenter. (ever consider a career in giving comment out comments, caloy?)

Special thanks to KenWooi and Curryegg who so eagerly replied all my emails and patiently attended to many of my funny ninja questions on 'how to blog'.

What is your all time favourite celebration?

21 January 2010

Personalizing You by Other Men

"As for me , Headers are pretty much personal . Unconsciously we're judged by our header. It's like a first impression to me , I suppose. So , I am happy to say that I am going to do this for the love of blogs." - Mr.TwiStar

TwiStar: "Headers are pretty much personal."

Ninja: "No they are not. They are designed by people who have no personality. Mainly artist"

TwiStar: " Unconsciously we're judged by our header."

Ninja: "No. Consciously, we're judged by our header."

TwiStar: "It's like a first impression to me , I suppose."

Ninja: "No. Blog address is the first impression. Header, comes second."

TwiStar: "I am happy to say that I am going to do this for the love of blogs."

Ninja: "Love of guys - Gays... Love of women - Lesbian... Love of blogs - Sickening!"

TwiStar: "what you're waiting for? Join in the fun! Because it's gonna be personal!"

Ninja: "Personal? No... Me alone in this blog post is personal. Me and you in this blog post is not exactly personal."

*Assassinates Mr.TwiStar with coffee*
Ninja: "Now it's personal."

Ain't that all fun?
Anyways, the purpose of this blogpost is rather a selfish one. This is a contest post contesting for a blog header. I need a new header, and so happen Mr.TwiStar is offering to design a new header to those who would sell a blogpost in credit to his blog address, http://www.mrtwistar.com.

I could understand how much effort one has to put in the design of a blog header, especially if its for their own. Similarly, I had my frustration when I designed my own header.

I know my header is cool and all, but I'm sure a real ARTIST could do a better job with less effort. And Mr.TwiStar, a student of art is offering to design a header in return for a blogpost. Ain't life good?
Check out the contest @ http://www.mrtwistar.com/2010/01/personalizing-you-season-1.html.

Did you design your own header? If so, do you take pride in your blog header?

18 January 2010

Journey to the dark side of the coin

Flip a coin, hope for heads, get tails, cry.

For the longest time, coins to me are money. A coin may buy me a coffee bean, a gazillion coins may buy me an assassin. I don't think much about coins other than the fact that they are money, the root of all evil. Boy, let me tell you that I never look at a coin the same way after noticing the OBVIOUS fact that there are two sides to a coin.

I was intrigued, fascinated that the two sides are different from each other. If you ask me, I'd say that the coin is designed by an art student. I mean, why the ninja would anyone want to design two different image on a coin. Its not like they serve any purpose. Pause for a moment and think about it, even if a coin has identical sides, they'll still be able to buy you a slave. They are money after all.

Back to being double sided. If a coin has two sides, what about other stuff. You know,stuff, as in stuff. The stuff that makes up the whole universe and stuff. You know, stuff... Just stuff that makes up other stuff. I'm sure you are confused by now. Let me give you an analogy to clear things up:

Light side of the coin:
Friends supports you, they strengthen you. Friends are a good way of keeping your sanity at check. In short, Friends are good and they are essential to your well-being.
"There are big ships and small ships.  But the best ship of all is friendship."  ~Author Unknown

Dark side of the coin
Friends are god's way of telling you just how weak and pathetic you are. Without them, you will break and fall faster than any light can travel.
"A good friend is cheaper than therapy."  ~Author Unknown

Even the phrase 'friends' have double meaning. Double-sided coins. We often see things as it is. Thing is: have you ever pause to consider the other extreme side of the coin?

Consider this:
When I say "You are unique!", What could possibly be the extreme side of the coin?

15 January 2010

Contract Thwack

Just a few days back, I got myself into trouble.
When I was a kid, I viewed ninjas with the highest regard. Ninjas were a proud race of superhumans: invisible, invincible, indomitable, insuperable. You name it. Ninjas are everything pirates will never be. Nothing can best a ninja.

Boy I was wrong. Like I mentioned, I got myself into a trouble. I learnt that even ninjas are not excused from the law. I was trying to set up a dojo and the most ridiculous thing about it is that, a contract has to be in place.

What nonsense !?!? I mean, a contract? Why can’t we kill everybody and do as we please? We are ninjas after all. We ninjas are masters of the night and yet we have to comply with the many regulations of you money-sucking day-people. Because of you day people, I had to study contract law.

Since then, I’ve been force feeding my brain with terminologies like:
- Procurement
- Solicitation
- Arbitration
- Escrow
- Forbearance
- Force majeure
- Liquidated damages
- Waiver
- Order of precedence
- Finality of acceptance
- Privity
- Ownership
- Ethics
- Reciprocity
- Equity
- Acquisition

It is frustrating that studying contract law is like studying high-class English.Why can't we just use plain old normal english like ninjas do?
Ninja: Let’s buy some computer.
Law: Procurement may solicit bids and purchase systems.

Ninja: Free! No extra charge.
Law: The penalty fee has been waived

This is hell. In fact, it is an understatement to say that ‘this is hell’. Compared to law, Hell would be a walk in the park. Ever seen Judge Dredd cry? Because this is exactly the sort of stuff that will make Judge Dredd cringe hoping that he was never born. This is why Judge Dredd prefers extermination over law-nitpicking negotiations. Some say he never sheds a tear and that is incorrect because they dont't show you the part where he had to study law.

Just to give you a preview of what I’m going through:
Arbitration: The process of settling a dispute between two parties by an impartial third party.

Escrow: Depositing something into the care of an impartial custodian, until the completion of a defined set of conditions.

Force majeure: An act of God, irresistible force, or inevitable accident that could not be avoided by the exercise of due care. Examples are an earthquake, a hurricane, or even a labor dispute.

Do you think people who studies law have a better command of English?

12 January 2010

Numa Numa Names

When I started my blog, I wanted a catchy name that evokes curiosity. I want an attention-catching name. I want a comical name that brings about smiles. I want people to remember the brand name. I want them all to check my brand over my competition.

Coming with a catchy name was an almost impossible task. I've intoxicate myself over caffeine thinking of a catchy brand name. And just when I thought of something real cool, real catchy, I got disappointed real fast when I discovered that someone had already thought of the same name.

I sought council on Google to seek advice on how to create the ultimate catchy blog address. The advice I got was as straightforward as doing simple research over the net. Seeing how simple it was, I wasn't convinced that advice would ever work at first.

Despite the lack of faith, I journeyed to the net and did some research. If the internet is a big as the universe, I believe I’ve covered every corner of the universe. OH MY NINJA! I'm amazed by the discovery. There exist tons of catchy names and Imma share the excellent ones with you, my loyal reader:
- Men with pens
- Women R beast
- Bitter Virgin
- Astro zombie
- Free radical
- Burning paradise
- Ora! Ora! Oracle
- Newbies, Nerds & Nitwits
- Shouting in the Rain 
- Ninja Monkey [Note: I was inspired by this]
- A toy shop called ThisKnee
- A liquor shop called Lick-her
- A bakery called the Upper Crust
- A bookstore called Books & Crannies
- A hair salon called Bangs & Burns
- A photo-shop called Sharpshooter

I love those names. It’s too bad that I wasn't the first one to think of it. Back to my unique blog address - Ninja Coffee. I set up this blog to be an anonymous blogger. So it has to evoke a mysterious aura. (Ninja comes to mind.) At the same time, I want my all readers to enjoy my articles. Pleasurable & sinful. (Naturally, coffee comes to mind.)

Mysterious blogger + pleasurable articles = Ninja Coffee
More importantly, Ninja Coffee has all the traits of any good brand name. It is Readable, Pronounceable, Spellable, Memorable, Concise and Unique. Now that I have a brand name, the next thing to do is envelop it with an atmosphere of positive aura.

What about you? Do you have a catchy brand name?
If not, what are you going to name if you have your own product?

09 January 2010

The Art of Negotiation

I was talking to a legendary ninja the other day. His fame and reputation is renowned among ninja dojos, even the great Buddha heard of him. You see, He is not your normal everyday ninja who unlike normal ninjas, only knows how to turn invisible. He is well known for his negotiation skills. He was once a terrorist negotiator working for a secret government agency. (He got bored of his job and decided to be a ninja because he prefers assassination over negotiation)
Anyways, we were drinking ninja coffee while debating on the subject of negotiation. It wasn't a pretty sight. I was a hard-headed ninja and I have my own philosophies on life and similarly, he had his. The discussion got so heated that at one point I was at a losing streak. Out of anger, I drew out my katana.

And this guy, he was good! As I was about to deliver a killing blow with my katana, he stood firm and negotiated his way out of danger.

"If you put down your katana, I'll let you in one of my secrets." he whispered. And sure enough, I sheath in my katana and I'm all ears.

And this is what he told me:
Negotiation is an exchange. To give something in return for something.
A good way to negotiate is to phrase your sentence:
"If I [...] then you [...]. Ok?" (eg: If I visit your blog, then you give me a comment, ok?)

An even better way to negotiate is to phrase your sentence like this:
"If you [...] then I will [...]" (eg: If you give me a comment then I will visit your blog.)

By turning the sequence of [you] and [I], it produce a different effect. One thing to note here is 'People are more likely to remember the last sentence.'

Lets compare to the two styles:
If I [...] then you [...]. Ok?
(If I visit your blog, then you drop me a comment, ok?)
If you [...] then I will [...]
(If you drop me a comment then I will visit your blog.)
Because the last point is more memorable than the first , the other party is obliged to commit to the deal. No one likes obligation. It is as if they are being forced.
Because the last point is more memorable than the first point, You are implying commitment from your side. You are committed to the deal. (Thumbs up!)
Because the focus is on the other party, they'll think twice before committing to a deal. Thinking twice means hesitation.
Because of your definite commitment to the deal, the other party will be more likely to give in and cooperate. (Thumbs up!)
Rating: Thumbs Down
Rating: Thumbs Up!

Remember:  If you [drop me a comment] then I [will visit your blog].
Give it a try and drop a comment if it works for you.

If you drop me a comment, I'll visit your blog. Deal?

06 January 2010


365days a year, seven days a week, me along with millions other ninja are determined to train ourselves in my dojo physically, mentally and spiritually. Everyday that we train, we are reminded of the quote scribbled on a ninja scroll hung on the four walls of the dojo.

On this scroll, There are five important points that constantly put us ninja in perspective.
PAICA = Product, Asset, Inventory, Currency & Advantage.
These five points are the foundation to operate any secretive ninja society.

Under my leadership, I have ninjas deployed in every building, every house, every room. They are always right behind you and they are so highly trained that they are never in your vision. If you are highly perceptive, you may just be lucky enough to catch glimpses of their shadow.

1 - They are my loyal products, obeys every order and fully disposable.
2 - Though I have an arsenal of deadly weapons, my most valuable assets are not weapons, they are my ninjas.
3 - Armed with standard issue katana & shurikens, our most used inventory are no doubt our honed skills.
4 - In NinjaCoffee clan, ideas are currency. (However we prefer cash, cheque and credit cards over ideas anytime)
5 - Our best advantage over others are our knowledge of the ninja dark art.

What do you think of the scroll above?

03 January 2010

First comment is always the deepest

What happens when you anticipate for 1million to drop down from the sky, and 1million did drop from the sky?

Ever since I started this blog, I was expecting millions to flock over, write thousands of comments, and a hundreds of fans waiting for my super smooth ninja autograph. It took me one day to realized that it ain't gonna happen overnight. Naturally, there was disappointment.

All that turn around when I got my first blog comment from a man of many talents, Ben'z. (Yup, he claimed to be a man of many talents. I wonder if any of those talents involve killing a ninja). Anyways, Ben'z is now ver6.09. I wonder what happen to the other 5 version of Ben'z. I am assuming that the other 5 versions are not as talent-ful as ver6 and would have been obsolete by now. Regardless what version he is now, do check out his blog at http://lifeofbenz.blogspot.com

Enough about Ben'z. Back to my feelings.
To have one comment in my blogpost, I'm happy, excited and exalted! No words can describe this wonderful feeling. Or rather I'm limited in my vocabulary that I can't find the right words for it. It is as if it is raining money.

To Ben'z for being my first commenter: Here's a ninja coffee to you!

Back to my earlier question: What happens when 1million drop down from the sky when you most anticipate it? That is day when ninjas will extinct (or in layman's term - Pigs will fly).

Ever seen a pig fly?

01 January 2010

1st Jan - Longest Day of the year

As we enter the first second and hours of 2010, we were all greeted by an extravagant display of loud bang fireworks. If you so happen to be ninja-ing in the place as I was, you'll be amazed by the flares of fireworks. Although some of you enjoyed the display of small scale explosions, I certainly did not. Me ninjas love places where the moon don't shine.

By now, you must be wondering if I'm a ninja by profession. Doubt not for I'm a ninja! Or at least I tried my best. Dressed in all black, I've been pretending to be a ninja whole day.

Wait..Allow me rephrase that: I've been pretending to be a ninja whole YEAR. so far so good.

Thats not the best part. I've done something I mighty proud of today. I managed to convince all my housemates that I'm real ninja and that I've been living on the ceiling protecting them from the evil bogeyman that has been living under their bed and in their closet.

This is my story for the first day of the year.

Btw, did you know that first of January is by far the longest day of the year?
(2nd jan haven't arrive yet, so by history, 1st jan is still the longest day of the year)
(A reminder, you have two more years till 2012. Enjoy your life for the end is near.)

How was your first day of 2010?